


Living Quarters

by Little_Firestar84



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Constantine (TV), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Nerdiness, One Shot, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 12:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14544393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Firestar84/pseuds/Little_Firestar84
Summary: As he joins the crew of the Waverider to face off against horders of demons, John Constatine finds that Sara Lance's decision to make him bunk up with Ray Palmer isn't exactly to his liking....





	Living Quarters

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the answer by Legend's EP Phil Klemmer at the question: "how Constantine will fit into Legends of Tomorrow next season?" - you can find it [here](http://tvline.com/2018/05/02/lucifer-season-3-spoilers-deaths/) 

Constantine inspired deeply as soon as the door to his new “room” opened up. He felt slightly disturbed, not for the room in itself- it was a room, and he had been in worse places – but for his… bunkmate. 

Not that there was anything wrong with Ray Palmer. He was a nice enough fella, and, from what John could have seen, his clothes hide quite a nice body. In another world, Ray would have been perfect as a one night stand, but John knew that the situation wasa little bit more dire. Things were bad – apocalypse kind of bad.

His permanenceon the Waverider was probably to be quite long, and the prospective of listening to Palmer’s constant small-talk and nonsense was scary – scarier than any kind of demon John had met in his cursed life.

His lips in a thigh line, the Englishman shook his head. “Nope, sorry. No can do, mate.”

“What? But, I thought we had something!I mean, there’s so much I don’t know about magic! I could show you my magic gun! You remember it?” Ray started to say frantically, But Constantine was already out of the room,knocking on each and every door he was meeting, cockily nodding as salute when someone happened to open the door on the other side, dragging behind him his huge duffel bag. 

He knocked on one last door, and when Gideon openedit for him, he found… well, nothing. The room wasn’t big, the ceiling was low, it was humid and dark and it was smelly – like something had gone there to die and no one had cleaned up the mess in the last millennia or so.

“Ah! ” John chuckled. “Thank you very much, Love. This is _exactly_ what I was looking for!”

“You… prefer that to my company? I think I should feel slightly insulted, and…” But Ray was cut short, as the door closed in his face, before Constantine could even reply. 

Not that he had any intention to, anyway.

“What do you mean, you can’t open the door?”

Ray and Nate looked at each other apologetically. Sara, hands on her sides, looked like she was ready to kill them- and then Constantine. Ava, next to her, was barely resisting laughing out loud. She had told them taking Constantine in was a very bad idea. That man, his name spelled like trouble. And it wasn’t just because he and Sara had slept together. Nope. Ava wasn’t jealous. Not at all. She was just being the best clone for the job Hunter had appointed her to do. 

“Well, I think that Constantine may be using some magic to keep the door closed shout. I mean, Ray knows this sweet ride like he knows his pockets,and…”

Sara simply glared at Nate. “Can you or can you not open this damn door?”

Both men stared at their feet, pouting. It was obvious that the answer was no. “Did you try asking Gideon?” Sara asked, lifting a perfect eyebrow.

“I feel insulted that you asked me… this!” Ray’s cheeks colored with indignation at the implication of his captain. He was a former billionaire genius. How could she think that he hadn’t thought of the most logical solution, the first step to take in such a situation? “What do you think, that we’re idiots? Of course we asked Gideon to…” 

“Actually, we didn’t.” Nate stopped him, elbowing his partnerin crime on the side, looking like a kicked puppy asking for forgiveness. 

Ava laughed, and Sara rolled her eyes, wondering where she had gone wrong in her life to end up with those idiots as her crew – seriously, there was something very wrong with her people if her best crewman happened to be Mick Rory, arsonist, murderer and thief and former time-pirate of sort. 

“Gideon?” Sara called. Hands on her hips, she was sighing heavily, cursing the day she had accepted the job of captain. Or the day she had accepted to join the Legends .

(She was quite sure she had done so only because she wouldn’t have minded a roll in the hay with the former captain. She was human, Rip was hot and she didn’t know yet he was mourning his family.)

“I’m sorry Captain, but I’ve received precise instructions by Mr. Constantine to not allow you inside.”

“Uh, Gideon, you know that Sara is, like, the captain, right?”

“I’m well aware, Mister Palmer, but Mister Constantine asked me nicely. Also, he can be very persuasive when he wants to. ”

Sara liftedan eyebrow, as she noticed the panicked look on her crewmen and girlfriend’s faces – she hadn’t been mistaken, then – there had been an innuendo in Gideon’s voice. 

(And anyway, she couldn’t blame Gideon.She knew firsthand how persuasive John Constantine could be. Especially with his mouth – and no, she wasn’t thinking about words.)

“Are you seriously waiting for that madman to do as he likes with your ship?” Ava was about to add something more, but she guessed there wasn’t really anything to add. Those were the Legends, after all – they even took pride in being losers and screw-ups. Of course they were going to allow a madman to do as he liked with their ship. “You know what? Forget I even asked.”

Sara simply glared at Ava. “Are you implying that I’m giving John free reign because I had sex with him?”

“ _You_ said that. The thought never crossed my mind, but if you came to that conclusion, maybe it’s because there’s a grain of truth.” The two women were facing each other, completely oblivious to the presence of Nate – who found it hot - and Ray, who was quite embarrassed by the idea of Sara sleeping with the Brit, almost as it was his parents. 

“ _Your people_ talked me into losing my expert in magic. I _had_ to take John in, given that we’re facing _demon_ s!”

“If you hadn’t changed time you wouldn’t be facing any demon.”

“We had to break time because it was the only way to face Mallous!”

Ray was about to correct Sara, remember her that it was actually Malice, when the door suddenly opened, and on the threshold stood John Constantine. He was – finally! – smoking, leaning against the doorframe clad only in shirt and pants. 

“I gather you were talking about me?” He smirked , stepping aside as to show his new quarters. “Any of you interested in taking a tour of my humble abode?” 

The two men and the two women walked inside the room, and looked at the ceiling – and at everything around them – open-mouthed. They were speechless. It definitely wasn’t the small cabin Joh had chosen as his quarters. It couldn’t be. It was just… too spacious. And, besides, none of them remembered any Victoria design being present on the ship… 

“That’s, magic, right?” Ray asked, looking around himself as if he was a little kid in a candy shop. He stared at the ceiling, in awe, then he gasped, as he finally understood something. “Oh my god, it’s the Tardis! Well, not the _real_ Tardis, but it’s just like the Tardis…”

“The what?” Sara mumbled, squeezing her eyes, as it would have helped making sense of what Ray was saying.

“The Tardis! The Doctor’s ship!” He beamed – _actually_ beamed with pride and joy. 

“Doctor… Who?” Sara asked, quizzically. 

“Yes, Doctor _Who_ , exactly!”

“Yes, that’s what I was asking, Ray, Doctor who?”

John chuckled, amused, shaking his head, understanding all too well the direction the discussion between Ray and Sara was taking, and deciding to put the young woman out of her misery – and avoid her a colossal headache, so he started talking as soon as he saw Ray open his mouth, ready to answer Sara – with probably again the sentence _yes, Doctor Who, exactly_.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the House of Mystery, the only building where you can never enter the same room twice - the interior of the House exists in the Dreaming, which means that it’s disconnected from time and space. That’s how I’ve been able to call home sweet home back to me. Kind of. Turns out Mystery missed me as much as I missed her. ”

“You. Own _this_?” 

“No, miss Sharpe. I don’t own the House of Mystery. I may have won the keys from Dr. Occult and Father Time, like your dear Gary could testify, but at the end of the day, Mystery chooses her own caretaker.” John caressed the wooden surfaces of the home – which seemed to change around them in real time – with affection, almost devotion. There was something in his eyes that Sara would have never thought possible – there was guilt and regret, but also… _love_.

John Constantine was definitely _not_ the heartless bastard he claimed to be.

She shook her head, smiling, biting her lips as to resist laughing. “All right, you know what? If you home doesn’t kill us all – and our ship too – you can keep it.”

She grabbed her people, forcing them out as she decided to leave John alone, for now. He deserved it, after all. He was being forced on this trip to make up for _their_ mistakes – he had helped her and now he was helping her people out. The whole world. For free. Just because. 

No. John Constantine, deep, deep down, was a decent man – and she didn’t know why, but she felt like that house – his home – was something that helped him remember it. There had to be more to his story, she was sure of it, but after all, John was like them, a screw-up with a painful past and some deep secrets.

But it was the Waverider, and secrets, there, they didn’t last long, and she and her people, they would grew on him. 

And one day, John Constantine would have told them just _why_ the House of Mystery helped him be the best version of himself he could be. 

She knew it. She just did. 

**Author's Note:**

> The House of Mystery is a sentient, living house in DC Comics, recently guarded by John Constantine after he won the keys ata poker game with Father Time and Dr. Occult. One of the reasons Comic Book Constantine is so fond of it is because he shared it briefly with Justice League Dark Team-mate Zatanna (and the other Leaguers), whom he had been deeply in love with.


End file.
